Yes, I dare say there is!
Nike, did you just use the words marriage and guarantee in the same sentence? Are you saying marriage could be worth investing my heart and time in despite the bad press? That I can be guaranteed it’ll be worth the trouble if I venture into it?
Absolutely! That’s precisely what I mean. However, we must take a closer and intricate look at it together.
To begin with, it is a lifelong covenant relationship between a man and a woman and it requires they acknowledge God as a vital force in establishing their marital destiny. The Lord is an integral part of this relationship because marriage was His idea! So it’s only smart that couples involve Him when making such a crucial decision in their lives and let Him guide them through it. And as great as that may sound though, marriage isn’t for everyone. So no, not everyone will spend the rest of their lives committed to someone else till death do them part.
For instance, I initially despised the “idea” of marriage. Yes, the thought appalled me as a young teenage girl and I decided it wasn’t for me. I am not entirely sure what influenced that thought but it seemed to me at that time as something that required a lot of energy and responsibility. I saw couples emotionally spent and psychologically drained all the time! And that, in my opinion, was simply too much stress for my fragile heart to handle. Besides, I didn’t understand why I should take an unfair chance at handing my heart over to the “wrong” person who could carelessly mishandle and break it. It just didn’t make sense to me. I believed I was better off caring for myself in my own way and my space!
Shortly afterwards, the Lord told me marriage was part of His plans for my life. What? No! Why? I struggled with it but then I realised He wouldn’t truly be my Lord, if I didn’t completely submit my will to His now, would He? And that truly handing over my heart to Jesus meant I was ready to follow His lead along the unique path He had planned out for my life irrespective of what my preferences were. Although I believed (and still do) that God won’t force anything on people because He has given them the power to make choices BUT, the life they claim is theirs to live as they wish is in fact, His!
So I thought, perhaps, agreeing with His plan would be a good place to begin to understand what this whole marriage thing was really about anyway. It was a harrowing experience trying to figure it all out. Still, I couldn’t. Eventually, I gave up trying to understand and work out every single detail and just had to trust Him! I needed to get to the point where I believed His love for me was deep and true enough to entrust my life to Him. Yes, blindly trust that this plan of His was the best for me (technically that is what faith is, isn’t it?). So if He says that my life will be greatly lived as someone’s spouse, then I’ll just have to let go of my agenda and let Him GUIDE and LEAD!
So I ask, how much does one really need to understand and figure out about marriage before going into it? Are there any dos and don’ts that guide that life? Is it really worth giving up my freedom for? What is all the fuss about anyway? Do I need some sort of training to prepare myself? If yes, how much will be enough to get me started? What about the other person, how long do we have to be together to know if we have a future together? Is it possible to tell if he/she will mess up our plans for the future? Or what are the telltale signs that we’re not just the right fit for each other?….
Unfortunately, the myriads of questions don’t have straightforward answers. Wait.. what! If God really instituted and originated this thing, why does it seem so difficult and complex? I would have imagined it’d be easier if I just sought His will and boom! There I have it, the perfect marriage, the perfect spouse, just the way I dreamt it… But no, far from it. It certainly isn’t straightforward because of so many reasons and peculiar circumstances that apply to everyone.
So what’s the catch then? Isn’t God’s plan perfect anymore? Or is the word “good” in God’s dictionary synonymous with complicated?
God is good. Yes, and so are all His works! Everything He plans and does is absolutely beautiful and will achieve great feats but that doesn’t mean the human mind can ever understand how it will work! I suppose, that right there, is one of the biggest challenges we humans have. We like to understand! We like to be in control! Fair enough, God Himself, gave us dominion over the earth and everything in it. To rule over His creation and have authority overall. So there is that “drive” to always want to be in charge. Suffice to say, that that control excludes the Creator Himself as well as other human beings!
So how do we fare through all these layers of confusion? The answer is simply, TRUST HIM. Trust that He must have a valid reason to create you. Trust that that plan is nurtured by LOVE in His heart for you! Trust that even though He doesn’t need you to exist or need your permission to do anything, He still gives His Good Spirit to guide you in the world. Trust that, you mean everything to Him, and He’ll stop at nothing to show you that He’s got your back even if all else fails (including your spouse)! Trust that He’ll hold nothing back to see you live that beautiful life HE pre-planned for you and that if He didn’t withhold His most prized possession, His Only Son, His Word, Jesus Christ, from you, then there’s nothing He won’t give up for you… and I could go on, but you get the point.
There is reaalllly no other way than to simply TRUST THAT GOD’S UNEQUIVOCAL LOVE FOR YOU & ME, IS ALL THE GUARANTEE WE’LL EVER NEED TO ENJOY HIS GIFT OF MARRIAGE! No other guarantee that can ever beat that!
Oh, I know that’s not as easy as it sounds. What if something goes wrong?
Here is the crux of this conversation, MARRIAGE IN ITSELF ISN’T THE PROBLEM. IT IS TRYING TO WORK IT OUT OUR WAY & ON OUR TERMS. That’s the enemy, not marriage. Therefore, I need to first of all, submit to God’s heart and plans for me because I trust His love for me. Then, I have to let His Word and Spirit have the final say over my thoughts and decisions. And that includes giving up the ideologies, mindsets and belief systems the world has adopted about marriage, that contradicts God’s Word, instructions and recommendations even though they seem “safe”, “smart” and “ideal”.
Unfortunately, many unpleasant experiences, valid of course, have put marriage in such negative light. So much so that many people have forgotten who invented it in the first place, what it stands for and why He created it. Oh, how we have forgotten!
Truth is, we cannot take God’s intention and idea, make it ours and run it by our rules and expect to have God results. It will only achieve our aims and not His!
So, would you choose to see marriage as good, purposeful and God-intended or choose to see it and call it as the world does? Remember, God is pleased with a godly marriage because He will raise godly children for Himself through it. He will bless, teach, strengthen and provide a formidable team that will foster his wonderful plans on earth, one family at a time.
Hmmm.., what do I need to do hereafter acknowledging that the source of this beautiful, lifelong covenant journey between a man and a woman is God Himself? I’ll simply ask Him, “Lord bring me that man( or woman, as the case may be) after your heart for me. One that you know with whom I’ll live the beautiful life You’ve planned out for me, in Jesus name. Amen”
That may sound ridiculous for someone else and that’s okay. This will work for different people in different ways for sure. It’s just that personally, I won’t want to get stuck up in giving God “detailed specifications” of my ideal spouse. I mean, He made me, He knows me even more than I know myself and He made this future spouse as well, so I’m just going to have to trust that He loves me enough to know what’s best for me and help me make that decision.
Because, really thinking about it, there is no amount of wisdom or knowledge I may have now that can fully prepare me for what’s ahead. So why not entrust that heavy-lifting to the One who sees the end of everything even before it begins. That way, I know that although the journey includes all three of us , it is personal as well. In fact, I can always call Him up whenever I feel like I’m losing a grip on His Gift!
Nothing can ever prepare us for what happens in marriage. Plus, the journey, experiences, lessons, joys and even pain sometimes, are all part of the journey. The rewards and joys that come from it when lived by His guidance far outweigh the pain. Yes pain, because as stated earlier, we may have entered in with preconceived ideas which will need to be stripped off! We may need to go through various winding roads to learn lessons that will grow us into more humble, strong, forgiving, responsible, productive, fulfilled and loving people which may never be, otherwise.
So yes, it may be a long, winding road for some, a haven of peace for others, Whatever it is, it is best travelled with the Lord Jesus himself. Because then we can trust that no matter what happens, He will always look out for you, even if the other person fails in his/her part, He will sort you out. He will always use everything to refine us like silver in a furnace so that after we’ve allowed His teaching and guidance and love rule, we will turn out to be the most beautiful versions of ourselves He planned. And you can bet nothing short of beauty will evolve! And I am so sure, why? Because He is faithful like that! Never fails or falls as we do. If He says, go on I am here with you, That’s all the guarantee you need to go on that journey and stay there. Not guarantees cooked up by worldly standards, just that of His promise to you and you will be fine!
PRAY WITH ME
Father, I know the world has many definitions for marriage today but please help me know what you, the Author Himself, calls it. Help me start this journey with you and help me hold on to you through it all. To trust that your Love for me is all the safety net, I will ever need no matter what may be ahead in the journey and to rest in that love.
I ask in Jesus name, Amen.
Love & Blessings folks,
SHALOM!